i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
