Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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