well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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