I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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