So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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