I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
