Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
