"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
