forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
