His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
