he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
