Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
