the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
