the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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