the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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