Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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