I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
