I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
