I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize