it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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