So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
