In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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