we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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