She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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