My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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