He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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