I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
