After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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