Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
