the condom got lost in my hair
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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