Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
