just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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