Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize