Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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