The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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