today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
