Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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