You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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