walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
