Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
