just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
