dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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