i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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