And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
