me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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