I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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