I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
