just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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