Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
