It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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