God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
