On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
