So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
