Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So many bounce houses so little time
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
