phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
