please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize