we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
