You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
