i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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