Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
