Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
