I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
