Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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