the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
