I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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