all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize