if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
