24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
