she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh god it's open bar.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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