we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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